


Scars Are Just Another Kind Of Memory

by tigerlo



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-23
Updated: 2013-06-23
Packaged: 2017-12-15 21:26:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/854228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigerlo/pseuds/tigerlo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I grew up in the system Regina, you don't get to come out of it unscathed.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scars Are Just Another Kind Of Memory

**Author's Note:**

> This story is set somewhere after the season finale. The Neverland trip is entirely glossed over. Light mentions of physical abuse at a young age.

It isn’t often that she longs for the monotony of pre-curse Storybrook, but after an incredibly taxing day of approving magical land-zoning consents; Regina decides to take the scenic route home to clear her mind. 

It hadn't taken those simpering idiots long to realise that there was another kind of magic all together behind making a town of this size function as smoothly as it did. A month without Regina in office was all it took for Snow White to come grovelling on her doorstep, begging her to fix things.

She glances at her watch before shaking her head, it's not like she has anyone to rush home for. The Sheriff and herself have come to a hesitant agreement regarding Henry, and tonight is one of Emma's nights.

The sight of a blonde woman sitting in the dirt, just off the side of the road is enough to bring her out of her daydream, and after a moments hesitation she pulls her Mercedes over smoothly to offer her assistance.

It's only when she gets out of her car that she realises that the mop of roughly tied back hair belongs to none other than Emma Swan. The muffled sniffles are the only thing that stops her from getting back in her car and driving away.

She walks up to Emma slowly, but loud enough so the other woman doesn't start at her presence and stops at the other woman's shoulder, looking down on a very bloody and bruised knee.

“What have you managed to do to yourself now Miss Swan” she sighs, thinly veiling her annoyance.

“I'm sitting down to have a break and enjoy the scenery. What the hell does it look like Regina” Emma snaps, picking a large piece of gravel out of her knee. 

“I thought it would be a great idea to go for a run, and then I got lost and then it got dark and one of your stupid tree roots tripped me up and I don't think I can stand let alone walk back to town. So I'm sitting here crying. Unless you're going to help me it's something I'd rather do in private thank you.”

“Well I'm sure my tree roots didn't do it on purpose Sheriff, they're not exactly disposed to individual thought.”

“What on earth possessed you to go for a run in the middle of January in the early evening anyway?” Regina asks, not quite sure herself why she even cares.

“Mary Margaret and David still haven't moved out, and sometimes her apartment gets a bit… crowded. So my option was stay at home and watch my parents 'catch up' (Regina can see the shudder that runs through her then) or get out of the house and blow off some steam. So here I am.”

Regina runs through the options in her head and somehow the thought of giving Emma a ride back into town is preferable to arriving on Snow’s doorstep and interrupting god knows what only to have her question why she didn't just bring Emma with her in the first place.

“Oh for heavens sake” Regina says finally. 

“Get up Miss Swan I’ll drop you home myself.”

“What?” Emma says looking up at her incredulously.

“Did you lose a chromosome as well as some skin when you fell over? I said get up Sheriff and I’ll take you home myself.” 

At the sight of Emma's still blank face she continues.

“I won't have Henry thinking I left you on the side of the road in the dark to die of exposure. Now get in the car.”

Emma looks hopelessly up at Regina before she realises she probably can't get up by herself so she offers her hand paired with a huffy expression and manages to pull Emma off the ground. 

“I ah” Emma starts, “I know that things have been weird between us but thanks for not leaving me on the side of the road” she says as she slowly lowers herself into the passenger seat.

“Well like I said Miss Swan, I don't think Henry would have been impressed if I'd simply left you there.”

“Ah right,” Emma winces as she knocks her leg, “Henry.”

 

They spend the ride back into town in semi awkward silence, and its not until Regina pulls into the street that Snow’s apartment is on that Emma finally realises where they're heading.

“Actually would you mind dropping me at the station? I can get cleaned up there and I can waste some more time before I have to go home.”

Retrospectively, Regina still can't pinpoint what it is that makes her turn the car round instead of stopping directly in front of the apartment and simply pushing her out the door.

As she pulls away from the kerb though, she feels Emma take a deep breath in and realises that maybe Charming family life isn't quite as delightful as Regina had assumed.

It takes Emma a while to recognise they're going in the wrong direction to the station, and when they pull into Mifflin street she looks at Regina with a puzzled expression.

“What are we doing here?” Emma says slightly panicked.

“I know it's a pain in the ass having to drop me off somewhere different Regina, but I honestly don't think I can get back there from your place,” Emma stammers.

For a split second Regina sees someone far younger and more frightened in Emma's features and so she takes a deep breath before turning to face her.

“Miss Swan” she says patiently, “your leg is a mess.” 

“If I dropped you off at that dirty excuse for a police station there’s a high chance you’ll give yourself a horrendous infection in the process of half heartedly cleaning that wound.” 

“I have a much more extensive first aid kit (Emma rolls her eyes at that), if you come inside I’ll attend to it for you and that way I don't have to explain to Henry why his idiot mother died from scraping her knee.” 

“Fine,” Emma says with a huff. “Lead the way.”

Regina leads Emma up the path and through the front door before indicating to a chair in the foyer. 

“Sit down and take your shoes off at least.” Regina throws over her shoulder as she moves into the next room. “I hardly need you traipsing dirt through the house as well.” 

Emma slips her shoes off as Regina returns. “The bathrooms are all upstairs Sheriff, do you think you can make it up the stairs?”

Emma nods before hobbling to the other side of the room and leaning heavily on the bannister as they slowly make their way up stairs.

Emma's been in Regina's house a handful of times, but has never been up to the second story. When she passes a room she assumes must be Henry's her breath catches in her throat and Regina has to turn round, glare as loud as a shout before she keeps moving.

They walk into the room at the end of the hallway and Emma's jaw drops. Regina takes note of her expression before lifting an eyebrow. 

“Something wrong Miss Swan?”

“I always imagined, I mean I just thought” she tries again. “It's a lovely room” Emma finally manages to get out.

“What were you expecting?”

“Something a bit more you I guess.”

“Well, perhaps it's that you simply don't know me at all” Regina snaps before turning round and walking towards a large ensuite. 

“Are you coming?”

 

Emma sits down on a chair conveniently placed in the corner of the room and moves to face Regina who has pulled a first-aid box from under the sink and is now kneeling in front of her.

“You might want to take that sweater off Miss Swan, your elbows look like a mess as well” Regina supplies before moving to fill a small bowl with warm water. 

She pulls a bottle of Savlon from the first aid kit and drips a small amount in the warm water.

At Emma's startled expression she rolls her eyes, “It's disinfectant Miss Swan, not a magic potion.”

It is only as she turns, soaked gauze cloth in hand that she actually looks at Emma and her bared skin for the first time all evening.

The bright fluorescent lights of the bathroom highlight the scars that absolutely litter Emma's legs and arms. Regina's seen a few in her time (she's been the cause of most of them) but even she has never seen anything quite this bad. It takes her breath away at first and it takes her a while to realise she's spent the last few minutes staring at Emma not speaking.

She gazes open mouthed up at Emma who just shrugs.

“I grew up in the system Regina, you don't get to come out of it unscathed.”

Pity is a weed that has never found Regina before but she feels it take root and grow, slowly clawing its way up her neck as she stares at a particularly bad cluster of knotted flesh on Emma's arm. She thought she had the lead on messed up childhoods but Emma's might actually out do hers.

Unconsciously and enormously out of character, she moves her hand to run over a few of the particularly bad ones on Emma's legs and the blonde supplies a brief commentary in response.

Regina’s hand smooths over a long scar runs down the side of her thigh. 

“I was about seven and I had a fever, I wouldn't stop crying, and my foster dad thought that a belting would be enough to get me to shut up” 

Regina moves her eyes up to a short knotted scar on her arm. 

“That ones a bit more recent. Some of the guys I used to get paid to find really didn't want to be found.” Emma says with a deep breath. 

“I cornered one of them in an alley, I was just lucky all he had on him was a knife and not a gun.”

This is too much; it's all too much for Regina to hear. As cruel and as terrible and as murderous as she was even Regina had her limits.

“If I didn't take Henry, he could have gone through the same thing” Regina asks quietly, already knowing the answer.

Emma's silent nod is enough to will her hands to move again.

Picking up the warm cloth Regina slips her hand behind Emma's knee to get slightly better access to her wound. Emma sucks in a sharp breath when the alcoholic cloth makes contact with her skin and Regina runs her fingers soothingly across the back of Emma's leg in an unconscious gesture that she takes no notice of, but makes Emma’s breath catch in her throat.

She works quickly and efficiently to clean the gravel and dirt, all the while listening to Emma breathing slowly and purposefully above her, teeth clenched in pain.

“My mother, she starts, was an unusually cruel woman. She was a great believer in corporal punishment. She took what appeared to be a large amount of pleasure in correcting me both physically and emotionally when I did something wrong.” 

“On my fifth name day I invited one of the servant girls up to my quarters, I was a terribly lonely child as you can probably imagine. When my mother found us playing that afternoon, she stormed in, removed the girl bodily and left without a word to me.” 

“I was in that room for three days, without food or company, no idea what it was that had caused such a reaction in her. I knew better than to cry or scream, even at that age, so I sat there in silence.”

“They are beneath us Regina, she had told me simply when she finally opened the doors on the night of the third day. She had warded the doors so neither my father nor the servants could enter my room to try and bring me food or reassure me.”

“It was the last time I ever attempted friendship with anyone in the castle grounds,” Regina says with a sad smile.

“Terrible parents it seems, are something that our worlds appear to have in common.” 

“There we are Sheriff,” Regina says standing, “I’d say that's a far superior job to the one you would have done yourself.”

Emma looks down in surprise to see a clean white bandage wrapped around her knee.

“How did you?” she says with her brows pulled together in question.

“Distraction is a wonderful tool Miss Swan, it always used to work on Henry, and I assumed it would work just as effectively on you as well.”

“I don't know what to say,” Emma offers awkwardly.

“A simple thank you will suffice I think Sheriff.”

“Thank you Regina, not just for the...”

“It's fine” Regina cuts across quickly.

“It wasn’t terrible. To have some company tonight I mean. This house is far too large with only one person in it.”

Emma stands up and pulls her sweater back on. 

“Maybe Henry could come back more than two nights a week. And you have a spare room right, if I wanted to maybe keep a closer eye on him.”

Regina considers her words and laughs to herself at the ridiculousness of them. Twelve months ago she would have laughed in Emma's face before telling her to get the hell of her house for even suggesting that, but now the idea doesn't seem quite so...unpleasant.

“I'm sure we can come to some sort of arrangement,” Regina says with a weak smile.

Emma looks at her, surprise colouring her features and Regina realises in that moment that she's tired. She's tired of fighting and hating, of clawing at things that will never love her back. It's taken her a long long time to realise that all that effort is utterly and completely wasted. Good always wins in the end and all of it, all five decades of fighting meant nothing in the end.

Emma turns to leave then and not for the first time, the loneliness is so terrible that Regina can't bear it.

“I can show you to make them disappear” Regina offers, suddenly desperate to keep Emma here, even if it’s only for a few more moments.

“The scars I mean, it was one of the first things I did once I started learning how to use magic.”

“I couldn’t bear the thought of my mothers actions staining my for the rest of my life, so I learnt to remove them.”

Emma blanches at that and Regina feels a tiny shard of anger settle in her stomach. 

“I might not have had as many as you dear, but I can assure you mine went just as deep.” 

Emma moves forward then, coming to rest directly in front of Regina, so close that she can almost feel the other woman’s heart beat. They say nothing for a moment and she starts to panic, but Emma just smiles sadly.

“Thanks,” the blonde says softly, “but I think I’ll keep mine.” 

“They’re proof that everything I went through wasn’t for nothing, or in my head. I think I need them to remind me of that.” 

“The spare room is made up across the hall” Regina manages to spill out when Emma turns to leave.

“I understand better than most how loathsome your parents can be. You’re welcome to a nights reprieve if you wish. I’m sure Henry will be fine with them for one evening.” 

The way Emma's face lights up then almost makes Regina feel ill. How few times this woman must have had someone do something genuinely good for her to have her show that much emotion to a woman she hated a month ago is very quietly devastating.

“I'll fetch you a change of clothes if you want to freshen up” she says shaking herself out of the moment. “I’ll leave them outside the door.” 

Regina forces herself to walk away then, the urge to do something suddenly stronger than she is comfortable with. 

 

Regina’s always been an immensely light sleeper (presumably the product of years of having to sleep with one eye open for fear of an unwelcome midnight visitor, someone come to do her harm at her most vulnerable) so its no surprise when after having spent the better part of a month sleeping in a silent house, Emma’s muffled screams from across the hall bring her abruptly out of a unexpectedly peaceful slumber. 

Hastily wrapping herself in a silk dressing gown on the way out of the room, she moves quickly across the hall before unceremoniously throwing the door into the spare room open.

She isn’t quite sure what she’s expecting (or on later reflection what she thought she might have done had the situation been different) but seeing Emma thrashing in her sleep, fighting some unseen menace is the last thing she would have imagined.

Moving to the side of the bed she tries to shake Emma awake, only to receive a more panicked response in reply. 

On occasion the similarities between mother and son strike Regina speechless. Henry had an unfortunate aptitude for night terrors, a trait it appears he inherited from his Mother. At watching the light from the hall dance across Emma’s face as she moves unwillingly, Regina does the same thing she had done for Henry countless times during the ten years he shared this house with her. 

Making room next to Emma on the bed she sits down and runs her palm softly but firmly across her forehead. At the initial touch Emma freezes but Regina repeats the movement a few more times, reassuringly calling out her name, the same way she would a spooked horse, and eventually Emma begins to still. 

Regina stays there, hand resting in Emma’s hair until she’s sure the other woman has fallen back asleep. She tries to extract herself without jostling the bed too much when she feels a warm hand slip around her wrist.

“Please stay” Emma says groggily. “What if they come back?”

“If who comes back” Regina says with a hilt of annoyance.

“Please, just don’t leave” 

In that moment Regina realises the woman in front of her, the mother of her son, the saviour, is nothing more than a scared little girl, so far out of her depth she can’t even see the shore anymore.

“Alright Miss Swan,” she says with a sigh, “I will allow this once, and only because I had planned on getting some sleep tonight and that’s is highly unlikely to happen with you yelling across the hall.”

She walks around to the other side of the bed, dropping her dressing gown neatly on the chair next to the bed before slipping under the covers, shivering slightly at the coolness of the silk sheets. 

She lies on her back, as far away from Emma as possible. Staring wide-eyed at the ceiling she wonders if she’ll get any sleep anyway before she feels the blonde shift next to her, hairs on her arms prickling slightly as she feels Emma’s warm breath on her cheek.

“Thank you” she says so quietly Regina could have mistaken it for an inhalation of breath.

She stays that way, almost afraid to move until she hears Emma’s breath slow down and even out. 

She knows this is a dreadful idea, that all this will do is allow Emma Swan to carve out an even bigger hole in her life, but as she feels Emma’s warm arm slip around her waist, her eyes flutter closed and for the first time since Henry left, the loneliness doesn’t feel quite so suffocating.


End file.
